Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
