i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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