Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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