I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
