Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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