I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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