just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
