I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My hand turned me down
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
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I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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