I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
