you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
