All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
