it was like fucking gandolphs beard
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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