i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
