whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
