When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
