I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
