I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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