I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
