She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
