I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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