hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
