Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
