I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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