I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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