I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who died my cat blue again?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
