That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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