She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
