im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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