Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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