I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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