we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
