I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
