Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
