we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
