he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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