he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
