I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize