put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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