I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
