i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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