piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
