I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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