Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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