if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
