She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
