Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
