Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
