I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
