you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
