Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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