yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize