separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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