it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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