i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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