oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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