one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
