so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
