She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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