You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
