We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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