Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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