I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
